Love -- The Beatles told us it was all we need. We might debate whether that is literally true, but there can be little doubt that love is what many, if not most, yearn for. In our quest for love, we need to remember an old saying: "Love isn’t love until you give it away." To find love, we have to learn to love.

That's why it's significant that love is the first quality of the fruit of the Spirit Paul mentions. When we have the Holy Spirit in our lives, the Spirit helps us love others. The Spirit does that by planting and growing the love of Jesus Christ within us. We are told in 1 John 4:19, "We love because he first loved us."

It is not always easy to love others. We get impatient with our families. We're tempted to treat people at work as mere objects to use on our way toward our professional or financial goals. When we meet difficult people, we often want to strike out at them, or at least get away from them. However, when we cannot love through our own power, we can do so by the Spirit. When we have the Spirit in our lives, we can be confident that the Spirit will help us to love in these difficult situations.

This lesson will help you see what it means to rely on the Spirit to help you love the people around you. Through what you read and hear from others, as well as through what you do individually and with others, you'll learn to give the love that you also want to receive.

Part 1: Learn It

Start It (15 minutes)

Love Talk

To get started with today's lesson, choose one or two of the following questions to answer with your group:

• If you were to publish your own personal dictionary, whose picture would you put next to the definition of love?

• Finish this sentence: "If a person really loves me, he or she will..."

• If you were to talk to a group of children about love, what one thing would you tell them that you have learned about love since you were their age?

Study It (45-60 minutes)

Read the quotation from Philip Yancey:

"Tony Campolo sometimes asks students at secular universities what they know about Jesus. Can they recall anything that Jesus said? By clear consensus they reply, 'Love your enemies.' More than any other teaching of Christ, that one stands out to an unbeliever. Such an attitude is unnatural, perhaps downright suicidal. It's hard enough to forgive your rotten brothers, as Joseph did, but your enemies? The gang of thugs down the block? Iraqis? The drug dealers poisoning our nation?" -- Philip Yancey, What's So Amazing About Grace?

1. Why do you think students at secular universities remember that Jesus taught about love? What role does love have in the world?

Read John 13:34-35.

2. Why is it important for Christians to be loving? List as many reasons as you can think of.

3. Is it possible to be a Christian without being loving? Explain.

Break into subgroups of three or four, and select one or two of the following passages:

• Matthew 5:43-48

• Luke 10:25-37

• John 15:9-13

• 1 Corinthians 13:1-13

• 1 John 4:7-12, 16b-20

4. Read and discuss your verses. What is the most important insight this passage gives you about love? What is the biggest challenge that this passage presents for you?

After a few minutes, each group should give a summary of their passage to the whole group and report their insights.

5. What happens when we, as Christians, live lives of love? What makes living a life of love difficult?

6. When a Christian has a difficult time loving a person or a group of people, what can he or she do?

Read the following different definitions of love used in the Bible:

Eros: This means romantic or sexual love. It is love based on the natural biological attraction that is at the basis of reproduction.

Phileo: This means what we commonly call "brotherly love." It is love based on common interests and the affinity one might have for someone who has a similar view of life.

Stergo: This means the love between parents and children. It can sometimes refer to the love between a pet and its owner or the love a people feel for their ruler.

Agape: This means love without expectation of receiving a benefit in return. It is the kind of love that God has for us. This is the word that Paul uses in Galatians 5:22 when he says the fruit of the Spirit is "love."

7. When people think of the word love, what do they usually mean?

8. What does it mean to you that the kind of love Paul says is the fruit of the Spirit is agape? What do you need to do to start showing this fruit more in your life?

9. How does the Holy Spirit grow the fruit of love in our lives? What is our role in becoming people who are known for loving others?

Read the quotation from Anne Lamott. Also read Proverbs 17:17.

"This is the most profound spiritual truth I know: that even when we're most sure that love can't conquer all, it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts." -- Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith

10. How have friends shown you this kind of love? What happens to relationships when people show God’s love to each other?

Read Romans 5:6-8.

11. How did Jesus exemplify this idea of love going "down into the rat hole with us"?

Reread John 13:35.

12. If you made John 13:35 your personal mission statement, how would that affect your daily life? To answer this question, consider your career, your finances, your hobbies, your church life, your relationship with your family and neighbors, and all other components of your life.

Close It (15-30 minutes)

Plan It

Review the options in the Live It section of this session and make plans as a group to complete one of these activities prior to moving on to the next session. This is your opportunity to move from theory to practice -- carpe diem!

What activity are we going to do?

When are we going to do it?

Where will this take place?

Other: Special instructions/my responsibility

Pray It

Share prayer requests and close in prayer. Be sure to ask God to guide your efforts as your plan and carry out a Live It activity.

Part 2: Live It

Option 1

Plan a simple get-together after your church's next worship service. Have each person or family from your Bible study group invite a person or family from your church that none of you knows well. It would be great to invite people who are new to your church or people who don’t appear to be well connected to your church's activities. Serve simple food such as sandwiches, chips, and cookies. Make it the priority of the get-together to get to know your guests and make them feel welcomed and loved.

Option 2

Throw a Valentine's party, regardless of what time of year it is. Decorate with red and pink hearts. Serve foods such as heart-shaped pizza, red soda pop, and heart-shaped cookies with pink icing. Before you eat, have each person pray for the person to their right, thanking God for one lovable thing about that person. Have each person bring a small gift (suitable for either gender) that will remind the recipient of God’s love. For example, someone might bring a small globe to help the recipient remember that God loves the entire world. After the meal, have the person with the birthday nearest February 14 choose a gift and open it. If it's not immediately apparent, have the giver explain how the gift relates to God's love. Then have the person whose birthday is next closest to February 14 choose the next gift, and so on until everyone has opened a gift.

When all the gifts have been opened, have each person think of someone outside of your group to whom he or she can pass on the gift received here, so that your small group can spread God's love to others. End the party with a time of prayer, thanking God for his love and asking God to help you show love to others.

Option 3

Individually, reach out to someone with whom you've had difficulty in the past. Perhaps it’s someone you’ve had a disagreement with or someone who's been unkind to you. Choose one of the following ways to reach out to that person this week.

• Ask God to give you love for the person. Send a warm note to him or her, asking for forgiveness for your part in the conflict.

• Call the person on the phone or take him or her out for a cup of coffee or a soft drink. Express your appreciation for him or her. Seek to understand his or her point of view.

• Invite the person and his or her family over for dinner. Work to understand the person and make friends with him or her. Afterwards, get together with your small group and have everyone share how their friendship overtures went. How did your "enemy" react to your demonstration of sincere Christian love? Talk about how it feels to love your enemies.

Option 4

There are many people who may feel lonely or love-deprived -- for example, children who have a parent in prison. Log on to www.angeltree.org and find out about Prison Fellowship Ministries' work with children who have a parent in prison. Many are familiar with Angel Tree's Christmas ministry, but there are volunteer opportunities available year-round. Contact your local representative to find out what volunteer opportunities are available for your group to show God’s love to these children.

Option 5

As a group, show love to a group the church tends to define as an enemy -- those who work at or seek the services of an abortion clinic. Before you make any plans, pray together for the clinic where you’ve chosen to show love. Ask God to give you a tender and profound love for these people. Then choose a way you can show love to them this week.

Be careful to act in a way that won’t condemn those who work there or those who go there for an abortion. Also be careful that your actions don't condone the decision these people have made. Choose an activity that will simply express that God loves the women who come to the clinic and those who work at the clinic. You may want to ask the clinic for permission to hand out small bouquets of flowers to the women one day.

Approach the clinic in the spirit of God's love. For example, you might say, "We know there has been plenty of ill will between Christians and those who seek the services of abortion clinics. That saddens us, because the truth of Christianity is that God loves all people. Would you allow us to reach out in love to the women who come to your clinic? We won't use this occasion for any kind of political positioning; we simply want to show love and respect to these women by giving them each a small bouquet of flowers."

Purchase several small bouquets. You may want to attach a card with John 3:16-17 on it or a simple message of God's deep love for people. Then, be respectful, kind, friendly, and loving as you hand out the flowers as people make their way into the clinic.

Debrief It

After experiencing this session's Live It activity, as a group discuss these questions:

• On a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high), how would you rank this experience for yourself? Why?

• What was the most important insight you gained from this experience?

• How can you incorporate this quality into your life regularly?