Is there someone you've been investing who's ready to spread their wings? And are you ready to let go? Try this lesson in Season 4: Growing Others, from our brand-new series Growing Out: From Disciples to Disciplers, to get your group talking about how to allow the people they're investing in get to the next level -- with or without their help.

"You didn't choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name." (JOHN 15:16)

In this lesson, we'll journey...
From: realizing when it's time to let others take their next steps, even if it's away from us...
To: discovering God's perspective, so we can celebrate when it happens.

Before gathering, make sure you have...

Optional activities (choose one or both):
Part 1
Option A: Discussion of Mark 5 during "Seek and Find."
Option B: DVD of Star Wars (look at Seeing It Differently)

Part 2
Option A: Discussion from John during "Go!"
Option B: Another scene from Star Wars (look at Seeing It Differently)

Note: This session assumes that you've had people in particular subgroups for awhile. Even if that's not the case, you can take advantage of the friendships already existing in your group -- have people get with friends in the beginning, and when you rearrange groups, make sure people get with others they don't know well.

For extra impact: Pick one or more of your representatives to lead today's session. You could have one person lead the entire session, or have a different person lead each section, depending on the size of your group. Model what you're teaching today. Let go of the reins a bit.

Come and See (15 minutes)

Have everyone get into their groups.

Take a few moments to pick a representative from each of your groups. Once you've all made your selections, I'll tell you what to do next.

Allow up to 30 seconds for groups to choose, and then regain everyone's attention. Ask each group's representative to stand, and then ask those standing to count off -- the first group's representative 1, the second group's 2, and so on. Point to your first representative to get things started, then direct as needed. Once everyone's counted off,

I'm going to ask our representatives to do something they haven't had to do this entire season-leave your groups.

Join the next group in our sequence; the representative from Group 1 will go to  Group 2, and so on. The last person in our sequence will join the first group. Go ahead and switch.

Give people time to regroup.

Now, in your new groups, discuss these questions:

• Share about a time one of your children started kindergarten or college, or moved out. If you don't have kids, share about your own experience leaving for school or leaving home, and how your parents reacted.
• How did that experience change the way you saw your child (or parent)?

Allow 10 minutes for discussion, and then come back together to share highlights and insights from your discussion time.

In our last session, we explored when it's time for us to let go and let others help. In this session, we're going to look at a different kind of letting go -- that point when the person you've been pouring your life into is growing and ready to get on with what God has for him or her, and you have to step aside and let it happen.

It might not even require you seeing less of that person, but you know there's been a shift in the relationship-and that you have to let that person take those next steps on his or her own. You know it's a good thing, but it can still be painful to let someone you love and shared life with move forward without you.

And let's not forget: It's tough for the other person, too. It's not easy to give up the safety of a spiritual friendship-the security of relying and depending upon someone you know is there for you-and venture into the unknown. And if you're on that side of the equation, the good news is, you're bringing the best part of the other person with you as you head forward.

Sometime you'll be the one who initiates that change; sometimes it will be the other person. But when that time comes, hopefully you'll both recognize it for what it is and take joy in it, despite the sadness that comes along with letting go. So today we're going to examine what that time of transition might look like, and how we can make that time as joyful and beneficial as possible for both sides.

 "Human love breeds hothouse flowers; spiritual love creates the fruits that grow healthily in accord with God's good will in the rain and storm and sunshine of God's outdoors." -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

Seek and Find (20 minutes)

If you've chosen Option A, Part 1, read on.
If you're doing Option B, go to Seeing It Differently.

Ask for a volunteer to read Mark 5:1-20, and then discuss:

• What things wouldn't have happened if Jesus had agreed to let the (formerly) demon-possessed man come with him?
• Your own example probably isn't as dramatic as the one in Mark, but when else have you had to step aside so someone could take a positive step forward? 
• What results did you see from that letting go, as a result?

"We are prevented from following in another's footsteps and are called to an incomparable association with Christ. The Bible makes it clear that every time that there is a story of faith, it is completely original." -- Eugene Peterson, Run With the Horses

Now that we're a ways into this session, it's OK to tell you that you'll be getting back into your original groups before we go to "Walk It Out!" You've come too far together to break you up now. But before we do that, get back into your new groups and discuss these questions:

• How did the changes we made today affect your "group dynamic"?
• What does that tell you about the difficulties of letting go and moving on, for both those who stayed with the group and those who left?

Allow 10 minutes for discussion, and then come back together to share highlights and insights from your discussion time.
[ART: USE SECTION ICON]

Go! (25 minutes)

If you've chosen Option A, Part 2, read on.
If you're doing Option B, go to Seeing It Differently.

Let's look at one [more] example of Jesus letting others go-his own disciples. As we read and listen, think again about Jesus' own context here. He's not only about to leave his disciples; he knows he's hours away from being arrested, tortured, and crucified. And he knows what his disciples are about to face as well. And yet… well, let's see what "yet" looks like…

Ask for volunteers to read John 15:11-16, 15:26-16:7, and 16:32-33, and then discuss:

• What's changing in Jesus' relationship with his disciples here? Name as many things as you can.
• What's Jesus' attitude? Why?
• How does knowing that Jesus chose to free us-but that we're still connected to him no matter what-help us become who God's created us to be?
• How does knowing this help us stay connected to those we might need to let go of?

Take a minute to read this quote by Neil Cole, and then we'll discuss one more question.

"Simply making disciples is not enough; your disciples must also make disciples, or the commission has not been accomplished. In a very real sense, your final exam is not to be taken by you, but by another person."-Neil Cole, Search & Rescue: Becoming a Disciple Who Makes a Difference

• How can we encourage and celebrate with those who are ready to take their "final exam" and graduate-and how you've each made this moment possible?  

Remind everyone to rejoin their original groups, and then go on to "Walk It Out!"

Walk It Out!

The following options are here to help you put what you've learned into practice. But if God's prompted you to do something else through this session, then by all means do that!

Form pairs, select the option you'd like to take on this week, and share your choice with your partner. Write what you plan to do in the space provided, and make plans to connect with your partner before the next session to check in and encourage each other. Take five minutes to do that now.

I'll Walk It Out…

…As It Comes-Think about how the principle of letting go applies to other circumstances in your life. What other changes have you been hesitating to make at your work or other more informal relationships, but you know that you'll be honoring God if you make them? What will those changes mean for you, and to the people those changes affect? Think it through, settle on it, then do it!

…With My Family-Is someone in your family in one of the stages we discussed in "Come and See"? Or is it you who's about to make a decision that's going to greatly affect the rest of your family? Sit down with your family this week, and lay everything on the table together -your thoughts, your feelings, and how much you love and are proud of them even as you're dealing with those changes together.

…With My Friends-Do you have a friendship in major transition right now-an upcoming move, a change in responsibilities and/or time commitment, or, as we've focused on today, God's calling one of you to something brand-new? Again, change isn't bad, but some changes are easier to deal with than others. Spend some time together celebrating your friendship, what God's done with it, what God's going to do with each of you next, and how you can keep your friendship growing under your new circumstances.

…With My Group-You've only got three weeks left in this season; what are you going to do next? Here's one thing you definitely should do: Party! Whether you're staying together as a group after this season or moving on, take the time to celebrate what God's done among you over the last few months. Start planning now. And as a group, think about what you want to share and celebrate!

…or think of your own!

Because walking it out sometimes means letting others take the next steps, I'll "Walk It Out!" by: __________________.

Come back together as a group. Thank God for change, and for growth. Ask for help in recognizing those people who are ready to move forward, and what your roles are in helping them. Ask God to help to let go and let God carry them where they need to go, and ask God to help you to fully share in his joy when that happens.

Option B: Seeing It Differently

Part 1

Instead of reading and discussing Mark 5 during "Seek and Find," watch a scene from the movie Star Wars: Episode IV-A New Hope (the original 1977 movie). A big theme of the movie is Luke Skywalker's apprenticeship to Ben "Obi Wan" Kenobi; this scene represents a major change to that relationship, as Obi Wan confronts a former apprentice gone terribly wrong, Darth Vader. Cue the movie to 1:29:53 (DVD Chapter 38), as Obi Wan confronts Darth Vader. Stop the clip at 1:32:26 as Luke screams "No!" Then have groups discuss:

• When have you had to step aside so someone else could take a positive step forward?
• Were you able to let go as peacefully as Obi Wan Kenobi did, or did it feel like you'd been repeatedly run through with a light sabre? And for that matter, did the other person scream "No!" (at least figuratively)? Explain.

Pick up at the leader statement beginning, Now that we're a ways into this session…

Part 2

Start "Go!" this way: Watch another scene from Star Wars. Cue the movie to 1:55:29 (DVD Chapter 47), as Luke is adjusting his targeting computer. Stop the clip at 1:57:29, after Obi Wan says, "Remember, the Force will be with you, always." Then discuss the following questions:

• How was Obi Wan's influence felt throughout this scene, even though it was a task only Luke could complete?

Ask for volunteers to read John 15:11-16, 15:26-16:7, and 16:32-33, then discuss the next question:

• How does knowing we're always connected to Jesus, no matter what, help us stay connected to those we might need to let go of?

Pick up at the discussion of the Neil Cole quote.

 

Pull Over!

To dig deeper into how to help others take their own next steps, here are some great resources:

Becoming a Woman of Influence: Making a Lasting Impact on Others by Carol Kent (NavPress)
Spiritual Fathers: Restoring the Reproductive Church, by Dan Schaffer (Building Brothers)
The Heart of Mentoring: Ten Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential, by David Stoddard (NavPress)
Spiritual Mentoring: A Guide for Seeking and Giving Direction, by Keith R. Anderson and Randy D. Reese (InterVarsity)