Church Volunteer Central consultant and trainer Bob D'Ambrosio discusses the importance of knowing what you want in a small-group leader before you begin recruiting.

What? Negative people in your small group -- you're kidding, right? Unfortunately many small group programs seem to attract those who like to gripe and complain. Small groups can become the perfect arena for airing dirty laundry -- as long as it's someone else's!

Negative people can kill a group. As Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" (NIV). So how can small group leaders keep their group from becoming a pity party for whiners?

Here are three simple steps for overcoming negative behavior:

Step 1: Identify the negativity, and what's driving it. Negativity comes in many forms. In addition to complaining, some negative people will display an attitude of pessimism, doubt, mistrust, or sarcasm. Often negativity will be acted out as focusing on why things aren't as they should be. At this stage, it's your job to figure out what may be the cause or source of the negative attitude. Reasons for a negative behavior may include feelings of overcommitment to the group, doubt about the leader's ability, being unchallenged, or even insufficient recognition.

Set aside some time to connect with the negative group member in private, and listen for clues that might identify a reason. Use reflective listening and feedback to see if you can identify the source, and then work on some action steps toward a solution. Negativity may be caused by some legitimate concerns or group issues that you'll need to address.

Step 2: Contain the negativity. It's important to contain a member's negative attitude so it won't spread to the rest of the group. I was part of a small group where this got out of hand -- and the only solution was to disband and start over! Don't allow conversations to dwell on the negative, even if it means a gentle rebuke to change the group's tone.

This is where a small group covenant, or agreement, can come in handy. A covenant spells out the ground rules of how your group will work together. A small group leader recently showed me his group's covenant which stated: To maintain a positive attitude of joy and to enjoy the opportunity to serve together. If you don't have a covenant, now is the time to write one!

Step 3: Establish a positive vision. Here's where your leadership is vital. They say a smile is contagious -- so is a positive vision. Set the tone with your own positive behavior and affirm the positive attitude of your group members. In his book, Managing Workplace Negativity, Gary S. Topchik reports that 90% of employees want leaders to notice their efforts and recognize them.

Members of your group also want positive reinforcement that they matter to you, the group, and God. Recast the church vision for small groups and communicate the blessings that are the result of everyone's efforts. You need to be the cheerleader to keep everyone on the right track as you face challenges. Celebrate your successes and rejoice in the positive changes you're making in each other's lives.

Our attitude is the one thing we can change about ourselves. Help your group members improve their outlook to reduce negativity -- and leave the laundry at home! Your efforts will result in a strong, healthy, small group that will function with a positive culture.

Bob D'Ambrosio has 25 years' experience with volunteer leadership in small group ministry, discipleship, and education. He now serves as a consultant and trainer with Church Volunteer Central, and is a frequent contributor to Children’s Ministry Magazine.