Small groups are messy. People show up late, forget important dates (or food!) and refuse to be flexible. They say inconsiderate things, get offended, and hold grudges. They're not open enough, too open, or unpredictable. Small groups are messy... because they're made up of people.

Don't despair! A few basic housekeeping supplies and a watchful eye for settling dirt will help you and your small group keep it clean.

Disinfectant. As a small-group coordinator of a mid-sized church, I often wondered how wealthy our church would be if I had people pay a dollar every time they shared a complaint with me. Most often the complaints focused on someone else in the group. My standard response was, "Have you talked with that person about this?" "Well, I wouldn't really feel comfortable doing that." Perplexing. They felt comfortable sharing with me because the situation was troubling them enough they thought I needed to know…but not troubling enough they'd talk it out with the other person involved.

How we respond as people to issues is critical to healthy small groups. We need to notice what's going on during group sessions as well as what's happening in individuals' lives. We need to watch how relationships within the group are developing. As we ignore issues, germs grow and multiply. We don't have to confront every potential issue we notice - in fact, we can do more harm than good by doing so - but there are ways to keep the group environment disinfected.

Perhaps you notice two couples pulling away from the group regularly, and you know they're getting together outside the group. That's great! But you also notice the sneering looks they give each other when another person in the group talks. It becomes apparent they're talking about that person away from the group, and their criticism is infecting the group. Look for an opportunity to gently and privately share your observations and concerns. It's important to keep an eye on the health of individuals as well as the group as a whole. Keep your disinfectant handy; you'll need it often to keep your small group clean and so everyone stays healthy and grows.

Magic Eraser®. A friend of mine was recently confronted by a woman who had been unhappy with some ways my friend had handled some situations... over the past three years! As this woman spewed, she felt better and was even willing to "try to work on their friendship if you'll make some changes," but my friend felt as if a garbage truck had dumped on top of her.

Forgiveness is the "magic eraser" of relationships, but we have to ask for forgiveness in order to receive it. You might be offended, but dumping on someone isn't the solution. You have a choice: let it go, confront the person (preferably with love), or hang onto the issue and let it fester and grow into a small monster.

Here's my general guideline. If I decide to hang onto something, I have to give the other person the same amount of time it took me to approach them with it. So if I hang onto hurt feelings for three months before sharing with the person who hurt my feelings, I have to admit, "I let this bother me for three months, and I need to give you the same option, so I'll be patient if it takes awhile to sort through this."

The reality is most people will not need that much time and will often not even realize anything happened three months ago! But allowing for the duplicate time frame will give you pause when you're hanging onto something. You'll start to a) question how long you want to hang onto something and approach the person much sooner or b) decide it's really not all that important of an issue anyway, and you'd rather just let it go! When you share the same model with your small group members, the way they handle confrontation and forgiveness will not only keep your small group cleaner but will also foster healthy relationships outside the group.

Swiffer®. Many years ago, my family was visiting my parents' home, and my young daughter emphatically declared to my mom, "You sure must love dirt, Grandma, because it's all over your house!" In my mom's defense, it was Spring, and my parents live on a farm, which means there's a lot of dust in the air. My mom's not a negligent housekeeper, but it doesn't take long for dust to settle everywhere in the house.

It doesn't take long for the dirt of our messy lives to settle onto our small groups. We can't keep all the dust away. It's in the air, and it will settle on the group. Regularly clear away the dust by encouraging small group members and sharing life together in creative ways. When you combine regular dusting with disinfecting and forgiveness, you'll be less likely to get overwhelmed by the mess of your small group. Keep it growing. Keep it healthy. Keep it clean!

Susan Lawrence is a Women's Ministry Consultant for Group for Women and coordinates Women's Ministries in central Illinois. Her first Bible Study, Pure Purpose, released in April 2010. http://purepurposebook.wordpress.com/