I recently surveyed more than 1,000 small-group leaders and Sunday-school teachers, asking them what helps their groups to grow. In my first two articles, we discussed factors that mattered very little (less than 10% difference between groups that were growing and those that weren’t) and factors that mattered some (between 11% and 100% difference).

In this article we’ll look at three of the four factors that really do matter. The teachers who use these practices were more than twice as likely to be growing as groups that weren’t.

Fellowship Matters

I’ve missed the mark on a few items in this survey already. I’ve reported on things that I thought would really matter that haven’t mattered that much at all. But this time, the data supports what I’ve been saying for years: Groups that party together grow together.

I asked teachers a simple question: How many parties do you have? I found that groups that have at least nine gatherings a year are more than twice as likely (104%) to be growing as the group that has one or fewer gatherings per quarter. Double your parties, double your chances of growing.

I had someone say to me after a conference recently, "What you are talking about is just doing what the Bible says." Indeed. Consider these verses:

Romans 12:13 says to form a habit of inviting guests. We can’t determine whether or not people will come, we’re just to form a habit of inviting. Notice this is a command.

We are to offer hospitality without grumbling (1 Peter 4:9). There are at least two reasons to consider this: 1) It’s work having people over. Someone has to vacuum the floor. Someone has to prepare the snacks. Someone has to pick up the phone and invite. 2) Some people are hard to love. We say we want to win our world for God, but what we often mean is: We want to reach nice people, funny people, interesting people. God has called us to reach out to all kinds of people — and sometimes, they’re kind of hard to love.

Jesus told us, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends." (Luke 14:12a, NIV). Have you ever had a luncheon or dinner and invited only your friends? In love, Jesus says, "Stop inviting just your friends." You can invite them — just don't restrict the invitation list to only your friends.

What are we to expect when we invite? Sometimes people will come. Sometimes they won't. No matter. Form a habit. Do it over and over again. Keep inviting. Sometimes they’ll come. Sometimes they won't. Sometimes they’ll be late. Sometimes they’ll be boring. Sometimes they’ll be rude. Sometimes they’ll be obnoxious. Sometimes they’ll come and won't leave. But if you’re willing to invite people, you’re twice as likely to be growing!

Sharing the Load

Jesus taught us this would be true. The harvest is plentiful, the workers are few. One of the most predictable ways of increasing the harvest is increasing the number of workers in the harvest.

People who have a large team — three or more — are 115% more likely to report that they are growing than those with only the teacher or only teacher and one other person.

If you want to grow your group, get lots of people involved. These people might include inreach leaders (who invite every member), Outreach leaders (who invite everyone else), leaders-in-training, prayer coordinators, and more.

In order to get these leaders, I recommend you have a vision day every quarter, where you re-cast the vision for the group. And what is the vision for the group? The same vision Jesus gave His group: make disciples of all nations, starting with this small group. As Henry Blackaby put it, anything less is planned disobedience.

Ask questions such as: Who wants to handle inviting our members? Who wants to invite people who aren’t members? Who wants to help plan our party time for the next three months? Who has strong administrative gifts and would keep us on-task? Who would like to be on the prayer team? The idea is not to fill slots, the idea is to get everyone involved.

By the way, if we combine these two first attributes the results are impressive: The high fellowship / high team group is 256% more likely to be growing than is the low fellowship / low team group.

People Skills

Teachers with good people skills are 147% more likely to be growing their groups than those with bad people skills. People skills matter more than visitation, how many parties you have or don't have, how you spend your time, what your purpose is, or how many people you have on your team helping you. People skills matter. They matter a lot.

So, what are good people skills and how do we get them?

It starts on the inside. If you want to get along well with people, it helps to like them. Really like them. Not pretend to like them. Not act like you like them. Really like them. Think kind thoughts about them. Think kindly of them. Cultivate a heart that loves them.

Here’s one of the dirtiest secrets about American Christianity: The reason many churches aren’t effective at reaching not-yet Christians is that the people in those churches don’t like them. And non-Christians may not know Jesus, but they know when they’re not liked.

A better outreach program is not going to fix this. We need a better heart. A heart that cares. A heart that is drawn to. So, let me ask you: how do you feel about the people in your class? How do you feel about not-yet Christians? Let's pray that God would work in our hearts so that we are drawn to them, just as he is drawn to them.

Tone matters. Proverbs 15:1 says that a soft answer turns away wrath. Notice it doesn't say a right answer. It says a soft answer. Simple as it sounds, most of us would get along with people better if we just used a softer tone.

The opposite is also true. A loud, harsh, rude, shrill, ugly tone is going to bring bad results, even if you are thinking kind thoughts. The tone of your voice has just about as much to do with the quality of your relationships as any other single factor.

If you would get along well with others, cultivate the habit of using a kind, gracious tone.

Overcome evil with good. Love covers a multitude of sins. If you’re constantly nice and courteous and thoughtful and complementary, and then you do something that irritates me, I can deal with it. But, if you’re constantly rude or short or insensitive… Proverbs speaks about how a constant dripping wears you down.

Lavish people inside and out with kind, thoughtful words and deeds. When you do this, you build up a credit so that when you do mess up, people can deal with it.

Let God fill your tank. As you give to others, you can sometimes get drained. Let God fill your tank. Come to God each day and ask him to fill you so you can give to others. As each of us allows God to fill our tank we have plenty to give to others. How full is your tank?

Keep learning. If people skills are this important, we ought to spend a good deal of time cultivating them. We ought to make a lifelong habit of getting better in dealing with people. Teacher training ought to be largely about developing better people skills.

So, what’s the #1 factor in whether groups grow? We’ll look at that next time.