"I don't do women's ministry." What -- a woman who doesn't want to be involved in women's ministry? You're perplexed. You've strategized how to reach women of many interests. You've considered schedules and costs. Yet there are those women who continue to keep their distance from women's small groups and events. If you ask them, they might admit they have no interest. But why?

Reason #1. Past experience. Women have been hurt by other women, and they don't want to expose themselves to that kind of pain again. Why jump into drama when it's not necessary? Life is dramatic enough. I have several friends who have no desire to regularly gather with a group of women, either at the church or personally. They've heard the gossip. They've been the target of judgment. They don't want the frivolity or meanness of girl groups. High school is over and they have no intention of returning.

"I don't really like women." "Just because I'm a women doesn't mean I need to be in women's ministry." "I'm not girly." You've almost certainly heard at least one of these statements -- and if you haven't, you probably need to expand your circle of acquaintances. Women have assumptions about women's ministry, and you're not going to prove them wrong by telling them how nice some of the women are.

You won't be able to debunk all the misconceptions of women…because they aren't misconceptions! But you can be honest: "I hear your concerns, and while I'd like to say the women who get involved in our ministry aren't any of those things you don't like or are uncomfortable with, I can't. These women are everyday women, and they have faults, including me. I hope our women's ministry is a place of grace and growth. We all need both, and we can encourage (and forgive) each other along the way." When you fostering a community based on authenticity, respect grows, and women feel safer to try something previously distasteful to them.

Reason #2. Friendships with women aren't a pressing need. We're never too busy for something we make a priority. If it's important, we find time for it. The problem isn't busyness; it's priorities. And the truth is, not everything can be high on our priority lists. We have to pick and choose, and we need to give women space to pick and choose.

Let God do the guiding and convicting. It's our job to help women to make sound decisions, not to tell them what they should and shouldn't be doing. Encourage women to seek, listen to, and discern God's guidance instead of assuming God's role. If you listen less than you speak, and encourage instead of convict, you'll build a relationship based on respect. Yes, we need to hold one another accountable, but you need to prove yourself as someone who can be trusted first. Respect women. Take time to find out who they are - whether they're coming to events and studies or not. Seek them instead of expecting them to seek you. Keep your motives pure. It's not about "getting someone into women's ministry." It's about helping them "get" God.

We're surrounded with opportunities to connect. Leave space in your ministry for conversations and relationships. Live out your faith. Be authentic, and you'll help build a community where other women can be authentic, too. Accept each woman makes choices. You can't control it all.

Where are all the women? We're everywhere!

Susan Lawrence is a Women's Ministry Consultant and is in her sweet spot when she's pouring into women. Her first Bible study, Pure Purpose, released in April 2010 and Pure Emotion releases this year. http://purepurposebook.wordpress